somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
