i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
