what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
