He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
