did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
