I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
