I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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