just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
