Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
