2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
false alarm, still single
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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