Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
