My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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