He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
