dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Acid is not a monday night drug
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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