Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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