She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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