just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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