Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
