some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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