know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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