I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
