so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
