your room smells of hookers.
And success
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
