are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize