I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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