I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
