My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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