Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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