remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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