grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
