I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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