After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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