i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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