She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
