He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and she was petting her beer can
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
