I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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