the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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