Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
