found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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