I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
