Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
