The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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