..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize