just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
