I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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