And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
