Whod you bang
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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