I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
