Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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