i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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