everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the day after is always just damage control
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
