come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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