I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
