JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
