The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
