hotel room ftw
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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