I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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