Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
