i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
