Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
