Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
