i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
