i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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