How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
