what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize