I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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