I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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