i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you win again, gameday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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